Many of us learn to hide and be dishonest in childhood.
My parents always told me that I should never lie; I could tell them anything and nothing I could ever tell them would make them stop loving me.
This theory was tested once I decided to switch my college major my senior year and then told them their only son was gay.
This reveal got some wailing, I-knew-it-all-alongs and some serious guilt trips.
To make sure that it was clear that gay(telling the truth)was unacceptable, we ushered in silent agreements and some very disturbing concerns about what the neighbors and anyone who knew us would think.
Warning : Never suggest that you can hear/handle any and everything because at some point this theory will be tested.
Why my parents and others all over the world willingly set up these dichotomies and then feign shock when it bites them in the ass in beyond me. It is the same thing we all do when we enter into relationships.
While many of us are confused about our lives and choices that need to be made, we trot right into relationships with the same fear and commitment to lying that masquerades as indecision and self doubt.
We then try to build relationships that can’t work and discuss ad nausem to anyone who will listen how much drama we have to deal with.
It is often humorous and tragic to me that people create so much nonsense then hold everyone hostage in an effort to affirm their bullshit.
Many parents would rather delusions and fairy tales regarding their offspring. Truth is not altered no matter how much we restructure it. Sometimes I’ve wished that I didn’t know things or that things weren’t as bad as they were.
This didn’t change things and only kept me miserable, tortured and longing.
Sometimes I’ve been so conditioned to look for the fuck up, wait for the other shoe to fall that I have completely overlooked and missed out on some greatness that I had a hand in creating.
Lies can work both ways (discounting the good we co-create and denying how awful something is and allowing us to pretend that facts and reality are playing a cruel trick on us).
It is up to the individual to discern and adjust their behavior and thinking when given the opportunity to lie or speak and live the truth.
When I became active in a social group for black and white men who partnered together, I was immediately asked by someone I didn’t know to weigh in on a love affair because the one causing the upset was black. I flat out refused to take the bait and simply stated: You’ve been given all the information you need why are you asking me how you should feel or what you should do.
How often do we know exactly what needs to be done yet fail to take appropriate action ?