3 things that screw up black and white gay male relationships

Recently, I wrote about ways that black and white men can create loving and growth inducing relationships.

Many folk simply ignored the posts or maybe felt they needed no insight or help in this area. My mind wanted to explore the things that we do to fuck up our relationships.

Focusing on three key issues allowed me to review not only my relationships past and present but provided incredible insight regarding what needed to be eliminated if what I wanted was a thriving relationship.

If what I am truly seeking is an opportunity to develop a powerful and honest connection with a male of a different race, my allegiance to and benefits from stereotypes must be examined.

Sexual attraction and desire are learned responses to: our environment, where we have received the most nurturing and acceptance, and often times steeped in taboos and dangers that are culturally influenced. Many men both black and white can trace their initial attraction to the “other” back to a very early experience.

Between all of the television I consumed as a kid and my fascination with the next door neighbors(who happened to be one of the last white families in my neighborhood), my attraction to white men began early.

Many of the white males that I know who exclusively date and are attracted to black men received some type of serious nurturing early on via interaction with black males. Combine nurturing with a sense of danger and there now exists a way to interact that is always different, highly visible and in some cases shocking.

It is difficult not to develop some sort of fascination that quickly develops into attraction when you experience social acceptance and indoctrination of the evils of black males via tv and other media. If not properly examined and truthfully confronted this can lead people to rely very heavily on racial stereotypes.

While media presents one image of black males, it is wise to confront these images and the ways they either harm or uplift us, our mates and those that we say we love.

Stereotypes keep us stuck and provide a false sense of security.

If I can put you in a box then I can make certain decisions based on what I think you might do or say. This works with puppies and other animals. It does not work with humans.

It is hurtful.

It is painful to realize that someone is looking at you and has already decided your limitations, dreams and ways of being in the world. This is quickly dismantled by asking direct and compassion-based questions.

When we inquire and lovingly attack assumptions and learned responses from a standpoint of trying to become emotionally closer, things feel very different and nothing is off limits or unable to be discussed.

What stereotypes do you personally encourage ? Has racial and or sexual stereotyping hurt or helped you ?